The irony in dreams and the future...

Don’t we pride ourselves on aspirations and dreams and the future?
Where’s the happy medium in living in the moment to achieve/accomplish what we want for the future?
When I was 5 years old, I could not WAIT to be a teenager. Middle school was going to be SO cool! And maybe then I’d be able to go to the mall with my friends without my mom or dad being there.
Then when I was finally in middle school I couldn’t wait to have my first REAL boyfriend (although your first REAL boyfriend doesn’t really come until you’re in high school and can drive and go on actual dates). I think I really just wanted my first kiss. Before I knew it I had a boyfriend, it (and he) wasn’t really all that.
But high school! High school was going to be IT! I mean THE best EVER!Once I got to high school I need to have my license. I couldn’t wait to drive. I was the oldest of my group of friends and I needed a license and a car. I turned 16, got my license and a car and drove us everywhere. Parties were pretty cool and so were the people we were hanging out with.
I wanted desperately to be 18, and then 21! Then I could make my own decisions about my own life AND buy alcohol! How cool would that be? At this point I remember counting down days until I was a “legal adult”
Then it hit me, for the first time, on my 21st birthday – what do I need to wish for now? What is it that I want? Why am I wishing my youth away to become all these things that will eventually happen? Why do I want to rush to be 18? And then 21?
And of course, like women do, I over analyzed it for awhile…. But then decided I needed to find the perfect boyfriend so I could marry him!
I found a boy, no doubt, but I think I settled. I settled for what I thought would work instead of what I thought I deserved. Why? Because I couldn’t wait to get married! And at this point, once again, I took a step back and decided that he wasn’t for me. His lifestyle worked for him, but I wanted so much more in life and wasn’t willing to settle.
This was the point where I found Chris! He’s so much more than I ever thought I deserved or would end up with! And the longer we dated, the more I wanted from him and from us. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. And here we are!
On my drive home yesterday I realized something. I’ve been “wishing” and “dreaming” my life away.
As I’m making my wide left turn onto Capital Blvd from Gresham Lake Road, I asked myself a question: Exactly how bad do you want to have a kid?
Then I started thinking of all the great and fun experiences and lessons and stepping stones, and tears, and laughter and planning ahead of us. And then it dawned on me: yes, I do want to be a mother, but not at the expense of wishing my life away. Truth is, my married life, with “just” me and my husband is enough for me. It’s been enough for me for the past year and a half. And even when and if we do have a kid, it’ll be enough for me after that kid grows up and gets out of the house.
First and foremost, I love my husband. I think we all have our quirks and make our mistakes, but I honestly wouldn’t trade him for the world. And you know, if we don’t or can’t have a kid, I might be hurt, but as I said before – Chris is more than enough for me.
So I’ve decided – instead of talking and thinking and whishing and hoping and stressing about getting pregnant RIGHT NOW, I’m going to wait. It’ll happen when it happens. God’s watching! He knows the deal.